Planet Mika.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009
9:23 P.M.

Wow. I really DON'T update anymore.
But not much has changed in three weeks.

Andrew left for Saipan for the rest of the summer.
Doug had his sixteenth birthday.

And that's it.

Doug's party was pretty enjoyable, actually. Ten or eleven of us...hmm. Lemme try counting. Doug, Chad, Will, Luke, Aljon, Jack, Kris, Andrew, Braulio, Paula, and me. Doug's parents and sister, of course. So ten of Doug's friends, eleven including him, plus his family made fourteen. We had a great time there...of course, the boys were ogling the women, and Paula and I, the only girls, didn't care much; we just wanted to eat.

Afterwards, despite Doug's party pooping, we went to the movies and saw "Land of the Lost." It was a great movie, funny at parts and meaningful at others.

I'm really not in the mood to type now.
I have a case of worms now that's really getting on my nerves. I'll be back in another 3 weeks.

Sayonara, strangers. -*

9:38 P.M.

Friday, June 5, 2009
2:02 P.M.

Oh, my.
I think I've pulled off a record this time. About two months I've been dead on LJ. But it's summer, and I'm going to MAKE things happen, so I'll have to update.

Not that things haven't been happening. I've been pretty overwhelmed, actually. School just ended, and I was really stressed about my grades. (I ended up on the A honor roll, but still. Maybe my stress was worth it?) I was worried about finals as well, even though I only took one final out of seven classes. Well, two, but one only counted as extra credit. I thought school would have been the focal point of my stress since May started, but I was wrong.

Jack has a new girlfriend. I never really MET her, but I kind of did. Alright, I'll elaborate.
I went to see Jack at the mall one weekend a few weeks ago. His girlfriend, Marlissa, wasn't there so, I hung out with him, Paula, and Joe. When she finally got there, he tuned out me and Paula (Joe knew Marlissa already, so he wasn't as extroverted as Paula and I were) for his girlfriend. No introduction, no nothing.

Paula and I tried our hardest to be nice to her. From a distance, we smiled and and acted friendly. But she stared us down and twisted her face into an expression like she had a bad smell under her nose.

The rest of them went to watch a movie, but Paula and I both declined. We went to Denny's instead, and shared a sampler and a brownie with ice cream as we bitched about our lives. I had 5 or 6 refills of soda and ate most of the food, but Paula didn't seem to mind.

Right after our feast was over, Jack called me, saying Douglas and Braulio were at the mall and needed someone to hang out with. He was leaving, he said, but he'd talk to me later. Paula and I found the boys, and spent the rest of the evening hanging out with them.

A few days later at school, as I was walking to class, Jack caught up with me. This rather surprised me, as Jack never really spoke to me between classes. But he told me that he was sorry he has to leave so early the weekend before, and maybe we could do something the following weekend to make up for it. I smiled and nodded, regretting the fact that I hadn't made an effort to look nice that morning. Douglas kept talking to him, so I continued walking to my Algebra class.

School ended that week. I sent Jack a text message, saying maybe we could cruise around Tumon that weekend, kick back at the beach. He sent back a "k," which was typical for him. He's never been a man of words. Anyway, I sent him another message last Friday, telling him the time and place. I know he read the message over MySpace, because he was online at the time and the status of the message was "Read." But he never replied.

I went to Tumon that Saturday anyway, and hung out with more friends. Paula was there, as were Braulio and our good friend Andrew. We were joined by Kayla and Aljon, who have feelings for each other but are too afraid to say anything. Kayla left early, and the rest of us went to the beach. We had a pretty fun night, but nobody had much money, so I ended up treating everybody. (I'm kind of glad I have plans this weekend; hopefully I'll be able to save my cash.)

Paula stayed the night last night. I'm not a huge fan of one-on-one sleepovers, but we had a pretty good time. We talked the whole night, and we cooked our Ramen-noodle dinner at 4 A.M. We had some pretty deep talks, and there are some things I'll never see the same way again.

Today, I need to man the registration table for my mom's 5K. I love helping out, and I'm looking forward to it...

More has been happened, so here it is in a nutshell: I've been spending a lot of time with my biological dad, Kelly's been texting me suddenly, often asking to do "sexting," and I've been working on getting a job and my driver's license.

Enough for now, Animal Crossing awaits!

END 2:19 P.M.

Monday, April 13, 2008
8:11 P.M.

Wow. Nearly two months since an update.
I've been scouring MySpace like crazy recently, so I guess I've been busy doing that.

I won't really say anything too specific as of now, because there's been much happening since I can last remember. Jack and I have talked a lot; we had a rather deep discussion last Friday. My mom and stepfather finally got married. And while my brother and grandmother were in Japan, my great-grandmother passed away.

She would have 101 during December, I believe. But she was getting old, and she started losing her memory. She was in a nursing home, in her deceased husband's old room. She lived a good life, from what I hear, and the only thing I regret was not speaking to her more regularly. Rest peacefully, Obaa-chan.

With Jack, things just keep getting more complicated. I actually made him a mix CD a few days ago, and he enjoyed quite a few of the songs. I don't think he got the message I was trying to send though, he just figured I'd put a bunch of songs on a CD for him. I went all out, designing cover art and even entitling it; "What It Means...You Mean The World To Me."

I've been sort of, erm...well, as embarrassing as it is to admit, I've been "MySpace Stalking" Jack. I check up on his page almost every day, looking through his mood and status changes and comments. I've found out he has a "sort-of girlfriend," they aren't really boyfriend-girlfriend, but they ARE casually dating. I've been trying to woo him and get him to fall for me, but he told me last Friday that he's really not ready for all that...serious relationship stuff. And...he came clean about something else, too. He's leaving for good in October...

My mom's wedding was rather lovely. At my table were Jack, Douglas, Kellen, Katlyn, Paula, and Kimmy. All of MGS was there too. Out of my friends, only Jack and Doug went to the actual ceremony, and they got to witness, in live action, one of the most horrific moments of my life; locking the hotel room key in the room...but let's not talk about that now. xD Jack and I shared a slow dance that made me fall even harder. Jack and Doug at first pussied out on performing out little dance routine (they told me right after the ceremony...how evil!), but the girls and I decided to play the music anyways, and just sort of wing it. The stage was clear and we stepped on the dance floor, Kellen in the center. Miraculously, the boys appeared behind us, Jack behind me and Doug behind Katlyn. Regrettably, we had to let Kellen take center stage since her partner couldn't make it. Kristen performed live, and she was nervous, but everyone loved her. After the wedding, I waited outside with Jack for his sister. She invited me to go to a late-night movie with them, but my mom said no. So, I went home sulking and cried silently. I'll never know what I missed that night.

So, that's the past two months, almost. In a NUTSHELL.

I've also been spending a lot of time with my dad and his family, so that leaves room for potential bloggage. Yesterday, Easter, was quite fun! But I'm sick now, really. I don't think I'll make it to school tomorrow, so no blogging for a few days, as I don't think anything is going to happen. But yes, I'll be in touch. I'd like to try blogging more now, to make up for two months of lost time...

Sayonara, stangers.

END 827 PM

Sunday, February 22, 2009
8:36 P.M. Home

As it turned out, last week wasn't much better than the week before. But we'll get to that later.
Last week, for the most part, was pretty normal. Stress, Kellen, and a couple of gained pounds. It's starting to get worse, though. I'm starting to sleep and eat excessively, so I'm gaining weight like crazy. I'm super irritable, and I know it's not PMS, because it's not that time, and it wouldn't start this early (or last thing long).

I think it has something to do with two Fridays ago, Friday the 13th. Not that I'm over superstitious or anything. Okay, maybe a little. But still.

First thing. Since it was "Activity Day," middle school and high school had a combined lunch period. Jack was playing basketball outside, near where my friends and I eat lunch. I was talking to them about how I really wanted an answer from him, since it HAS already been a month. They were getting really tired of me talking about him so much, so I guess they took matters into my own hands. Our seventh grade friend, Sora, who knows Jack, stole him away from his game, while Doug and Kat pushed me towards him. After lots of resisting and yelling, Jack and I eventually met in the middle. We made small talk for a while, but when Jack wasn't looking, I looked at Doug and mouthed, "HELP ME!" Doug finally came over and dragged Jack of to tell him what I wanted to say.

In the meantime, I chatted with Kat, my hopes high. Finally, the boys finished talking, and Doug dragged ME off. Here's where the bomb drops.

"Well, Mika," Doug started, "as much as Jack likes you, he had to say no."

Funny, now that I think about it, I don't even remember WHY he said no. I think it had something to do with...him only seeing me as a friend, and not wanting to ruin our friendship.

Basically, I spent the rest of activity day sulking in a random classroom-turned-move-theater. That was, after all the point of activity day; to do something other than school work and raise money for the school. Too bad I was in too crappy of a mood to help anybody out.

At the end of the day, Kellen and Kat convinced me to still go to the Valentine's dinner. I rolled my eyes and agreed. I went home to get ready, and put on a black and white dress that I bought months ago. I did my hair and makeup lightly, and got into the car with my mom. I figured I might as well make an effort tonight, and try to make myself happy.

Unfortunately, things never seem to go my way. We chilled in the gym, had dinner, and danced for a few songs. I started getting a bad stomach ache, so I drank some water (we had to pay an extra fifty cents for drinks. Stupid school. -_-) and sat down. Then, I started getting itchy. Kellen suggested we got into the bathroom so I could unzip my dress and let my skin breathe. Kat followed us, and since the bathrooms were empty, so did Doug. I laid back on the bench and scratched at my skin. "God, it's so hot," I complained.

Kellen looked at me. "Mika, you're getting scratch marks already. Go completely take of your dress in one of the stalls..."

I agreed without hesitation. The itchiness kept getting worse, and before I knew it, my skin was red-hot with bumps. Since I was still in the stall, I shouted my status to Katlyn. "Wanna just hop in the shower to cool off for a little bit?" Again, I agreed.

In the next 30 minutes, things got worse. My body hurt all over, and the bumps were rising everywhere. I yelled for Kellen to call my mom, and I cried in the shower, scratching crazily. Kat called for the nurse, who came in with a bag of ice. Kellen kicked off her shoes and jumped in the shower with me, rubbing my back with the ice. (Yes, I DO feel guilty for what I've been saying about her.) My mom and Manny came eventually, and gave me some medicine. We dropped Kellen home, and she consoled me for as long as we could. In minutes I was home in my own bed, Hanabi beside me, and I went to sleep.

The Monday after, President's Day, Manny decided to have all my friends who helped me over so he could thank them. We picked up Doug, and we went to Jack's house, since he was supposed to be at Doug's. He wasn't at his mom's house, and when we went to his dad's house, he said Jack's sister took him to the doctor. Something wrong with his tonsils, I think. When we got back to my place, Kat was there already. Kellen and her brother came next.

It wasn't the day I thought it was going to be. We ordered pizza from YellowCab, and Doug was bitching about it because he wanted Pizza Hut. We were ordering YellowCab because it was cheaper, and it tasted better. Still, Doug complained. When Manny came out to ask us what we wanted, Doug launched into this completely mad-up story that his sister had gotten food poisoning at YellowCab four years ago. Whatever, that place wasn't even opened four years ago.

Manny picked up the pizza, and when we were finished eating, Doug complained MORE because he wanted soda. We walked to the store next to the video shop where my brother works. Even though I told her he was at school, she shook me off and decided to go in and look for him. Of course, he wasn't there, so we left, armed with our sodas, to Christina's house. We stayed at her house for a while, and in the end, everyone told her she could come back with us to my house.

We walked back to my place, and Kat got ukulele lessons from Manny, since she's just learning to play. The rest of us sat on the driveway and messed around with my guitar, playing song games. Kellen and her brother left first, then Doug, then Christina.

The rest of that week was okay, since we only had three days of school. (Tuesday was some teacher thing.) We had exchange students Friday, so we got to skip most of our classes for that.

Yesterday, I slept for most of the day as well, except for an hour or two when my mom took me driving. After we got home, I fell asleep again. When I woke up at 5, everyone was looking for me at the mall. I got my mom to drop me and met up with John. I talked to him for a little bit...

I was getting cold at the food court, so I took my sweatshirt out of my bag. "What's that? Oh, another jacket for me to take!"
"No, this is my favorite one...since you TOOK my other favorite one last year!" I said, a hint of venom in my voice.
"Well, we were going out back then. So like, everything that was yours...was also mine."

After he said that, I got quiet and finished eating. I saw Paula and Andrew walking by, so i waved to them. "Don't call them over!" John said. I ignored him and called them over. I got some hugs from Braulio, Andrew and Paula. Doug told me the exchange students were at the mall, and we should go say hello. I ditched the table with my food and John to find them.

The est of the time at the mall was spent with the Japanese. We met up with Kayla, and she wooed them with her DDR skills. One of the guys actually hit on her. Too bad she has a boyfriend!

After they left, Paula, Braulio, and I went back to Doug's to hang out. Paula's parents picked us up and dropped me home.

So, I'm getting sort of tired. I've been typing for nearly and hour. I'll end it here and get ready for bed.

Sayonara, strangers. -*

END 922 PM

Monday, February 9, 2009
5:14 P.M. Home

Last week was a pretty rough week.
First, the Kellen thing. A handful of us have been getting tired of Kellen and her stupid cute antics. It wasn't too bad at first, but after a while...God, she's just starting to let it get to her head, and it's really annoying. Her stupid squeals, how she always says, "Ehh? I'm not cute!" in a cute voice when we tell her she's cute...it's gotten to be too much. Not just that, but her obsession with my brother isn't exactly fun to deal with either. She drags my brother into everything we talk about, saying something like, "Oh, I bet if Topher were here, he'd be like, 'Fail! Kellen, you're so funny with your fails!' Mika, Mika! Right!? That's what Topher would say?! Right?!" She talks about my brother as if she knows him better than me, and I've known him all my life. He doesn't even like her all that much. But really, the real reason why I've been iffy with Kellen is because well, I feel like she's starting to steal Jack away. I'll be within earshot, within eyeshot, whatever. Point is, I can see AND hear, and she knows it. Anyway, I'll be standing right there, and she'll literally be hanging off Jack, hugging him tight and squealing "JACKY!!!" in her stupid baby voice. And he just stands there and takes it, which might mean he likes it.

Then, the Doug thing. I'm starting to get a repeat of last year, with him teasing me and putting me down. I thought we were over that, quite honestly. I guess not; it's like he HAS to insult me in order to be friends with me. Whenever I ask him a simple question, he talks to me like I'm stupid just because I don't know the answer. So when he makes a snide remark, I keep my mouth shut and change the subject. But still, even when I change the subject, he'll say, "You're dumb. Why are you changing the subject so fast. You get distracted so easily, I'm serious." SHUT THE FUCK UP, I'M FUCKING SERIOUS! I'm only changing the fucking subject because he's being an ass.

My camera broke the other day, too. I was taking some cool pictures for a new default, and I dropped it. Because, you know, according to Doug, I'm such an idiot and all. I told my mom that the lens just didn't want to come out, because if I tell her I dropped it, she'll have a fit. I'll have to go back to using my crappy old one until I get enough money to simply choose one for myself.

My mom thinks I'm smoking, even though I haven't LOOKED at a cigarette in a month. My room smelled like smoke because I left my window opened one afternoon, and when she went in, she smelled it and asked me if I was smoking. I told her I wasn't, but she didn't look like she believed me at all.

At St. Paul, there's separate Chapel times for middle school and high school, since there's too many of us combined. I was supposed to play praise and worship for both middle AND high school, and I was super pumped Friday morning, guitar in hand and smile on my face. Turns out, I couldn't play for EITHER, since there were no amps for me. I stuck myself in the sound booth and controlled the PowerPoint, refusing to leave the booth until the rest of the students were dismissed for lunch.

Saturday was the icing on the cake, so to speak. I picked up Doug, Braulio, and Andrew from Doug's house, and we went together. When we bumped into Nikki and Kayla, two of Braulio's ex-girlfriends, I started getting pissed off. I bought Burger King for my lunch, and I wanted to sit down and eat. Braulio was like, "Just eat it while we're walking." I shrugged and followed. He grabbed my drink out of my hand, like he was so fucking cool, he could just do whatever the hell he wanted. I'm not stupid; he was obviously just doing it to look cool in front of Nikki and Kayla. Eventually, I grabbed my drink back and ditched them to eat. When I met up with them (Them = Braulio, Erika, Mishka, Andrew, Paula) again, I found out Doug ditched, too. But I saw him walking towards GameStop, and he purposely bumped his head against the wall. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me he'd been having a bad weekend.
"I'm not having that good a week, either," I told him. "Remember all that's been happeneing to me?"
He rolled his eyes. "Whatever. My week's been worse."
This, obviously, was NOT true. He never has bad weeks anymore, with friends and teachers who love him, and parents who treat him like royalty.
"Well, you know what's been happening to me. It HAS been a pretty bad week for me, y'know?" I replied.
He shook his hair in front of his face, trying to look cool, my favorite jacket wrapped around his shoulders. "Mika, don't even TELL me about bad weeks, okay? Mine's been worse than yours!"
At this point, I got fed up. He ALWAYS has to make his life seem worse than everyone else's, even though he's got the best. He was in the middle of bitching at me when I simply stalked off, in my gray Hello Kitty t-shirt, towards the deserted trolley station. I sat ther for nearly three hours, getting texts and calls from Erika, Mishka, Paula, and even Kellen, who was at the mall with her cousin and brother. Eventually I went back in to find Doug to get my jacket, but when I found the others, he was gone already. One by one, Erika, Mishka, and Andrew left, leaving me with Paula and Braulio. We walked to Doug house, where he confronted me about why i got mad. I shook it off and laughed about it. Braulio stayed, and Paula's parents picked us up and dropped me home.

Yesterday was super fun. I went to my dad's house, but my dad wasn't even there. He was at the after party for SuperCrew, way on the other side of the island. I spent the day just hanging out with my aunties and my cousin, talking and eating outside the house, taking a few minutes to go to the drive-thru coffee place nearby. I've got a new addiction, some cherry-chocolate blended thing.

But yeah...I'm chatting and texting now, so I think I'm going to go. I'll update later tonight or tomorrow. Crappy week, lets hope this one is better.

Sayonara, strangers. -*

END 605 PM

Thursday, February 5, 2008
4:44 PM, Home

Dear Jack,

      You know, I sort of wonder if you'll ever read this. Probably not. But I've got to tell you somehow...
I remember way back then...about a year ago, when I first met you. I thought you were just some chubby little kid with too-bright hair and a love for games. But I got to know you more, and we became super close friends in no time at all. But even then, I never thought I'd end up falling for you.
      We had all those after-school hang outs at the mall, and we'd blow all our money on DDR. Remember all those heart-to-heart talks we used to have? I remember one, when we were standing by the second-floor ledge by the stairs, looking down on center court. Funny, I don't even remember what we talked about, but I remember you were there, and I was there, and nothing else mattered. That was the first time I ever saw you as anything more than a friend...but I shook the feeling immediately.
      Then, the period of texting. We'd text each other all the time, asking to hang out, to meet up, to borrow money, whatever. Remember that week when we constantly texted each other, even during class hours, when we were both a little aroused? I guess we were both feeling some sexual tension. I was dealing with John, you were dealing with some girl named Anne. As I sent you text after kinky text in my Geometry class, I thought hard about what these texts would lead to. Would they get me into deep trouble, would you end up regretting it? Luckily, though, when we spoke face-to-face, you completely ignored it, and they stopped abruptly.
      In the months to follow, we got even closer. Remember the video group, TIB? Wow, those were the memories...we had so many awesome videos, and they gave us all an excuse to hang out. I remember all the parties, the end-of-the-school-year one, where Nick came.
      Oh, gosh, Nick. You helped me out with that guy so much...you pushed us together. Even though you and Nick were like brothers, you still stayed on my side when he hurt me. You could have been mad at me, and refused to speak to me. But you instead labeled HIM as the bad guy...and you were there for me.
Now I get to the hard part...Winter Formal. Remember that night, where we just...danced the night away? I remember throwing my shoes off and dragging you out of your chair to dance. You lost your money, and you were all sad...but I wanted to make it all better for you. I had no idea how much would change just three hours after that...
      One slow dance. Remember that slow dance? Everyone was up on the dance floor with a partner, and they swayed in sync. Everyone except you and I, that is. I remember sitting there, sideways on the chair, tipping it on its back legs, my chin in my hands. I sighed, looking at all the happy couples, pressed closely together. "Look," I said, when I felt you stand next to me. "How cute is that?" I sighed again, thinking of who I wanted there, dancing with me. I thought of my boyfriend at the time, John, but immediately dismissed the thought. I thought of plenty other guys, Zac Efron included, but the one who I DID dance was the one I least expected.
      I remember sitting there, my chin still in my hands, my shoulders beginning to shake from the cold. Out of nowhere, a hand appeared in front of me, and I heard your voice. "Care to dance?" Thinking I had heard wrong, I looked back questioningly. You looked back, hand still outstretched, and said it again. "Erm...care to dance?" I smiled lightly, and couldn't help but to giggle. I took your hand and led you to the dance floor. Our fingers were intertwined irregularly, but it didn't feel awkward at all. Matter of fact, I could have never felt happier, swaying side to side in your arms. And that's when those feelings started to come back...
      As I gazed at you out of the corner of my eyes and tried to make small talk, I felt my stomach flutter and my heart jump. I got that nauseating feeling in my stomach, but the good kind. The kind that means you're in love. But just as I was beginning to enjoy it, you leaned in close and whispered, "Follow my lead, okay?" I nodded, and you swayed me over to where your friend Daniel was sitting alone just off the dance floor. You smiled, dropped my hands, and left the scene. I couldn't get Daniel to dance, so I asked another friend, Kellen to help. It wasn't long before the two of them were dancing slowly to the music, and you and I were leaned up against a podium watching them. I fought my feelings to ask you to dance with me again, because I knew that I was farthest from your mind. After the slow song, we danced two more hours, and everyone left. Then, it was just you and me...
      We sat in the lobby of the hotel, passing the same yawn to each other countless times. We leaned on each others shoulders and waited for my parents to pick us up. We dropped you home, and as you left the car, I fought a strong urge to run out after you and kiss you on the spot, to show you what I finally discovered I felt.
      What made me fall for you that night, I'll never be to sure. Maybe it was the way you felt concern for me, and asked me to the dance floor. Maybe it was your concern for Daniel, wanting to make sure he didn't feel lonely. Maybe it was just the wasted time I spent talking to you. But whatever it is...it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters now is how I feel.
      The past few weeks have been rough. I remember telling you how I felt on the night of my sixteenth birthday. I remember asking you to go out with me in the middle of January, with my hopes way to high. But things have been awkward for almost a month now, and I don't know how to win you back. More than anything I miss the days when we were close, all our mall hangouts, and our few chats on the phone. All those cigarettes we smoked together, the songs we listened to together, and God, even the porn we watched together, I'm ashamed to admit. I need just one more day with you with things like old times, just so I can prove to you how good we are together. I don't want us to drift far apart, like I did with so many others. I want you to be different. No, I KNOW you're different.
      There's so much I like about you. All the little quirks that might annoy people, but that I love about you.
      I love your gamer side. Every girl needs a dork, right? xD
      I love your cute side. Someone's got to be cute, and I don't think I can pull it off.
      I love your immature side. You know how to have fun, and you have a carefree spirit that nearly matches mine.
      I love your respect for soldiers. You have a passion for brave people who serve our country, and you're putting good use to your life.
      Everyone says we're too far apart age wise. But I KNOW we can work around it. If we love each other enough, we'll get through it. And it's a sure thing that I love you, Jack Cross. I'll admit, it took a while to admit, and I wasn't too sure at first. But now, I'm absolutely sure of it. I just want to know if you feel the same way.
      'Cause if you do, let's stop wasting time. Let's make something worth saving, something worth telling years from now.
      Let's fall in love.

                          Love,
                                  Mika. <3
END 534 PM

Tuesday, February 3, 2009
4:00 PM Home

Oh, my. It's been a while since I've updated. This time, though, I have a pretty good excuse. My computer was unusually slow for all of January. I guess it caught a bug or something. Manny reformatted a few days ago, so it's good now. Anyways...

It's been an okay month, for the most part. A lot of stuff has been happening with Jack, so I guess that'll be my main point for this entry, since I've been so backtracked.

I DID ask Jack out, near the middle of this month. I brought the Skelanimal he got me to school, and taped a sign to its paws that said "Will you go out with me?" And like, when he was practicing for Creative Ministry during lunch one Wednesday, Doug dragged him out of practice and shoved him in front of me. "What?" He said.

I looked on shyly, and reached into my bag. "Well, I wanted to show you something I brought today..." I pulled out the stuffed toy. "...will you go out with me?"

He giggled and looked back at Doug, who simply stared back. He looked back and me and said, "Uhh...well, just tell me where."

Now, I know what you're thinking. Isn't he supposed to say yes or no? Yeah, that's what I thought. Doug actually told me, "I wouldn't be surprised if he asked you where you wanted to go instead of saying yes." But I mean, c'mon. Jack's still in middle school, only 13. I didn't expect much...and I didn't want much either. But anyway...

We stood there talking for a bit, trying to get to the bottom of things. He said he was sort of scared of hurting me. He knew what had happened with Nick and Kelly, and he didn't want to end up like that. He said he's already lost them as friends, and HE didn't want to lose any friends if he hurts me. Before we could get further, I knew he had to go back to practice, so I told him to go back to the team, and I'd talk to him later.

A few days later was the school carnival. Since most of the students already witnessed the carnival the day before when we had Japanese exchange students, it was pretty dead. But Doug and I went, nonetheless. Jack had a shift at his class's booth, but since there was hardly anything to do, Doug (who was tired of my constant Jack talk)dragged Jack from his chair, and forced him to talk to me. "So..."

"So...?" he echoed.
I decided since I was already here, I might as well spill my heart out. "Well, I just wanted to know, about, well...y'know. Yeah..." Psh, way to go. So much for spilling my heart out.
"...I don't know. It just sort of surprised me when you asked me out. I just thought of you as a big sister, someone I can look up to, you know?" He was seemingly better with his words that I was, I'll give him that.

I pondered this. "Well, yeah, I imagine it must have been...but I mean, I'd like to give us a chance."

He stopped. "Well, right now, it's like, 70 percent yes, and like, 20 percent no, and like, the other five percent is over with the yes. Whatever, I can't do math now I'm tired." No, really, that's what he said. It's only 95 percent, but close enough. He WAS tired.

"Really? Why the...no?" I said, sounding like a stupid little girl.

"Well, it's just...Nick and Kelly." he said shyly.

"Ahh..." I said. "Doug said something about them...what's that about anyway?"

He looked at his feet. "Well, it's just that, I don't want to say yes, and I end up breaking your heart, and everyone hates me. I mean, just look at them. All of your friends, including me, hate them now, because of what they did to you. I don't want to end up like that...I don't want everybody to hate me." He continued walking, but I ran in front of him and stopped him in his tracks.

"Jack," I said, meeting his eyes with my own. "Would you ever intentionally hurt me?"

He looked at me like I was crazy. "No, of course not."

I threw my hands up and walked back towards Doug. "Then, there you go. There's no problem. The thing with Nick and Kelly is that they never said they wouldn't hurt me. And I knew they were going to in the end. But I know you're not like that. You're a super close friend, and that's good enough for me..."

He got a little smile on his face, but he kept walking. "Well...just tell me where, y'know. And we'll do something on the weekend."

"Sure," I said, as we got closer to Doug. "Let's go Valentine's day. See a movie or something."

"Cool," he said. "Well...I'll talk to you later. He opened his arms for a hug.

I giggled sheepishly and leaned in. It was usually the other way around, me signaling that I needed somebody; it was usually me making the first move. It was me starting all the conversations, me hugging him in surprise. But in one short moment, on a loud Friday night, with people buzzing about a soccer field...he opened his arms to me first, as if letting me know that it was okay to need him. It was like his subconscious way of letting me know that he was there for me, that it was okay for me to need him. So I leaned in, and I let him hold me for a second. Just one second was all it took...and I knew I had fallen in love all over again.

So, if you couldn't tell from that paragraph, that was pretty much the highlight of this whole Jack thing. We've been pretty okay lately, we say hello when we pass each other in school, and hug each other occasionally. Last Saturday, he joined me and some other friends to watch InkHeart, and he let me borrow his jacket. <3 Pretty good, y'know?

Today, though, I heard that some Freshman at school are spreading a rumor that Jack and I are dating. It sort of angered me at first, but I'm over it. They can talk all they want, but if they don't have the facts, the rumors mean nothing.

Back to more important things than rumors...
It's hard to wait, especially because I don't think he's ever going to give me an answer. I don't think we're ever going to go out, either. But well, there's not much I can do about it. I'm going to...cherish his friendship for what it is now. Hopefully he feels the same, and if he doesn't...OH FUCKING WELL. I know I'll always have his friendship, and that's good enough.

But still...I hope he feels the same...

Sayonara, strangers. -*
END 456 PM

Friday, January 9, 2009
7:03 PM Home

Today wasn't all THAT great. I got to school right on time, so I didn't get to see Jack. Our praise and worship for Chapel was only one song, and only certain members were pulled out third block to practice, and I wasn't one of them. So I didn't know the song at all as we were singing. During lunch, though, some stuff went down...

Katlyn got all of us Christmas presents when she went to Hawaii of Christmas break, but she didn't get one for our friend Hee. Hee's a Korean guy, pretty cool, but he's very abusive, especially towards me. He punches and kicks me a lot, and he always takes my stuff and hides it from me as a joke. Anyway.

Kellen piped up with a suggestion, jokingly, of course. "Why don't you get him a dead body, so he can like, kick it and punch it and stop hurting the rest of us?"

In the meantime, I was saying something the same time as her. I said, "Whatever you do, don't put a bow on MY head and give ME to him, 'cause I've already taken enough of his crap."

Kellen glanced on at me as she dropped her bags on the ground. "I said a DEAD person, not a FAT person." Ooohs were heard all around, but she just ignored them and went to go buy her lunch. For the rest of the lunch period, nobody said anything about, she didn't apologize, and I didn't say anything either. If I had, Douglas would probably see that as complaining. So I went the rest of the period just talking and laughing, acting like it didn't affect me at all. But really, it made me really sad.

Later in the hour, we were observing a giant and, and Hee, in his typical sadist fashion, went in to kill it. Katlyn, ever the ant lover, said, "No! Hee!!!!!" and hit is head.

Hee got pretty upset, saying, "Just for a fucking ANT?!"
Katlyn looked back, startled. "C'mon, Hee. I mean, what did the ant ever do to you?"
Hee gazed on at her. "It's just a fucking ANT, and you're gonna hit a person in the head?!"

Katlyn, as well as the rest of us, got extremely quiet. Finally, Kellen broke the silence, holding up a normally brown part of a tree saying, "WHY IS IT GREEN?!"

I guess that was pretty much the day today. A whole bunch of disappointment...I hope tomorrow's better.

Sayonara, strangers. -*

END 720 PM

Monday, January 5, 2009
2:49 PM Home

I think it's coming back.
All the signs are there, and I HAVE stopped taking my meds. I'm extremely irritable, and I find the bad in everything. I have no appetite, except for sweets. I haven't been playing guitar much, and I can't even stay focused when I'm reading. I've been sick these past couple of weeks, and it isn't going away. My immune system is weak...

I've been sleeping excessively as well. Anywhere from 10 to 14 hours a night, and I'll usually nap for a couple of hours in the afternoon. I've stopped fighting for what I believe in. Usually, I'm somewhat opinionated and I make my voice heard. But I'm finding myself agreeing with everything lately, because it's easier than arguing back.

It's not healthy, and I know it's not. But the medication is just too stupid. It's causing me all these stupid side effects that are making my life harder. And when I DON'T take it, it's hard as well. What am I supposed to do?! Either way, I'm going to lose...

I guess I'll be back later this week. I just decided to log on now because I really need to talk about this. Hopefully, things get better.

Sayonara, strangers, -*

END 257 PM

Sunday, January 4, 2009
11:01 PM

It's been a while since I've logged on because my computer's been slow. Apparently, my absence has affected the Messenger world, too, and everyone's making up for it. I'm IMing more people than normal, and the bottom of my screen is blinking like crazy.

Everyone's sharing happy news.

-Christina is going to Okkodo next year, a new public school. Most of the public schools here really suck, and this new one is of great envy.

-Paula had a real heart-to-heart with our friend Chad. They went to GPO today with other friends (Not me, I wasn't invited) and she didn't have a ride home, so he gave her a lift. He talked pretty deeply on the way home, so she says. Funny thing is, I'm starting to like Chad again...

-Kellen was just talking about how she spent New Years with her cousins, watching movies and eating pizza.

So you can see how this would make me feel sort of uncomfortable, considering the day I've had. It was actually Manny's birthday, so we went to dinner. I didn't feel too well, so things weren't all that good. I was quiet and had no appetite, and I felt like I didn't fit in with my own family. And now I come home to all this good news. And I wish I had something to tell everyone else. But I can't, because nothing GOOD has been happening.

Yesterday was alright, though. I was out with my mom at GPO when I bumped into Andrew. I had just bought to pairs of new shoes, and we were leaving when he tapped me on the shoulder. He hung out with me and my mom for a little, then she took us to the mall. I didn't have my bag or anything because I wasn't planning on going, but I figured I was good with a twenty borrowed from my mom. We ran into Chad and my friend Kayla. We went to eat at Denny's, where I paid for part of Kayla's food as well as my own, leaving me with around 8 dollars. Paula and Bri showed up, and they kicked back with us. There was some drama with my new friend Mishka, who's sister got caught having sex at the mall, so Mishka stayed with us and we calmed her down. Her older brother Kevin, Bri's ex, was also concerned, but Mishka was able to keep the stuff about her sister a secret. We all saw a movie, Bedtime Stories. Andrew said he'd sit next to me, but Mishka took that seat instead. So I ended up squashed between Bri and Kayla. Andrew left in the middle of the movie to take the bus to meet his brother. Mishka and Kayla left, too, leaving me, Bri, Paula, and Chad. The four of us went back to my place and had a moving night. We laid down on my bed, shoulder to shoulder, staring at the ceiling. Paula came clean to Chad about her gift, and Chad was able to talk a lot about when he was younger as well, and all the stresses he went through. He had to leave in the middle of his story, and dropped Paula and Bri back at Bri's house.

Chad's story was especially moving...but I won't get into details. That might be disrespectful to him...but I will say it brought me to tears. Luckily, the lights were off so nobody saw me. It just made me respect Chad, you know? And that secret, hidden crush I've had on him has gotten stronger. I think I'm still going to keep it a secret, though...telling people is just ASKING for trouble, something I don't need. I mean, it's ALWAYS happened. ALWAYS. I don't see why things can't turn out good and STAY that way anymore. It's really depressing how hope isn't getting me anywhere. There's second thoughts on just...giving up, but I can't bring myself too.

But, well, time will tell...

Sayonara, strangers. -*

END 1134 PM

Monday, December 30, 2008
503 PM Doug's house

Oh, wow. Been, a while. My birthday was roughly a week ago, and some stuff went down.

The bottom line is that I DID come clean to Jack. Well, Doug helped me in a way. The tree of us left the party in my backyard and went to hang out in my room. Doug and I were talking about Jack as if he wasn't even there. I said things like, "Well, I don't Doug. I mean, he's just...he doesn't seem that in to me," him meaning Jack. And still, Jack continued to hibernate on my bed.

Eventually, we went back outside and told stories. We were all sitting in a circle, but Jack had to leave in the middle of it. Since I was in the middle of telling my story, I put everyone on hold while I went to say goodbye to Jack. I hugged him tightly away from the others and said, "Jack! Haha, you're not catching on?"
"Catching on to what?"

I smirked a bit. "I like you..."

He glanced back curiously. "Uhh? I like you to?"

I shook my head and giggled. "No! I mean...Doug, just...tell him, would you?" I then retreated back to the story circle and finished my story. After I finished Doug pulled me aside.

"So...about this Jack thing..." he said.

"Go on..." I nodded.

"Well, I told him, and he left smiling."

While it WAS good to hear that it made him smile, it wasn't all that reassuring that he was willing tgo give me a chance. Like I told everyone the past week, just because was smiling doesn't mean anything. If someone told me they liked ME, I'd smile even it I didn't like the guy back...but, oh well. I hope that, despite my uncanny knack to ruin relationships, Jack and I can still remain very close friends. I'd hate to lose him, expecially after I've been so close to him for almost a year now. I can't really express how much I DO care for him, because he's been there for me a lot. He's a very charming guy, and I hope he'll continue to act that way towards me despite the information he recently learned.

I'm actually on Jack's laptop right now, so perhaps I'll cut this here before I hog it more. I haven't been turning my desktop on at home lately because it's been slow, so as I soon as I update Norton and clean it out, I should be updating more...

Sayonara, strangers.-*

519 PM

Friday, December 19, 2008
11:43 P.M.

Wow, it's been a while...and I have a lot to talk about.
Through blurs of going to Doug's house, chatting online with Kat and Paula, and countless Creative Ministry practices, something stood out this month more than anything else.

It all started at Winter Formal.

I'd originally planned on going, then decided not to when I heard tickets were $30. Kellen and Jack (Who I think I mentioned before, but if I didn't...8th grader, Doug's cousin) had already bought tickets, and I was supposed to go with them. So I sucked it up, coughed up the cash, and asked my mom to drive us all there.
It wasn't a lame dance, but it wasn't great either. We made the most of it, dancing crazily and downing iced tea.

I always thought of Jack as a little brother. He was, after all, three years younger than me. I helped him through his girl problems, and he helped hook me up with my longest boyfriend, Nick. I never thought my feelings for him would blossom...but that just goes to show just how much I know.

The dance had both middle school and high school, and middle school had to leave at 930 because of curfew. So, just before 930, a slow song was played. I had danced for every song before that, but as soon as I heard those slow chords, I sank into a chair, smiling at everyone else. Jack approached the table, having just gone to refill his tea glass. He placed the glass on the table and stood in front of me. "Sweet, isn't it?" I said, my eyes still on the dance floor.

Then, out of nowhere, a hand extended out towards me. "Care to dance?" Jack said with a smile.
I smiled back, giggled, and took his hand. I dragged him onto the dance floor, and he wrapped his arms around me. Not too close, not too far...just close enough to tell people we were friends, just friends. He held my hand loosely, the other draped across my waist. Funny...I never realized how handsome he was until that moment...

We swayed across the dance floor, trying to make small talk. I didn't know what to say, so I just gazed into his eyes and giggled. He was trying to keep his cheeks down, but his eyes smiled back no matter how hard he tried. He glanced to the left and said, "Hey. Follow my lead, okay?" He swayed me towards the front, where a lone boy was sitting on the stage. It was Jack's friend Daniel, a kick-ass guitar player whose girlfriend didn't show up that night. Jack slowly let go of me, and I offered my hand to Daniel. He shook his head. I left my hand there, and when I realized he wasn't going to take it, I ran across the floor to Kellen, where she was trying to teach our friend Sage the basics of slow dancing. I grabbed Kellen, dragged her to Daniel, and in time, they were dancing together. I smiled lightly at Kellen and mouthed "Thanks!"

Jack was leaning against a podium on the stage. I walked over and leaned next to him. "You're a nice guy, you know?" I giggled.

He shook his head and blushed lightly. "Nuuu!" he said in his baby voice.

The middle scholars left after that, and the dance went on. Everyone was leaving, chaperons as well. But, realizing my feelings for Jack, I didn't want to leave. It was only 11, and parents weren't due until twelve. Kellen left with her boyfriend Julien, and Jack and I stayed in the lobby, leaning on each other and talking. Jack, still in middle school, kept yawing and leaning on my shoulder. I smiled and told the butterflied in my stomach to settle down, that it was just Jack, my little brother. But even as I said that, I knew deep down that I felt like being more than a big sister to him...

For this past month, I've been trying to get closer to Jack, texting him more and getting a lot more physical. ANd in the past two days, my heart has been fluttering but breaking like crazy...

Out of curiosity, I asked all my guy friends at school what my "Date-a-bility" was - basically, to rate my attractiveness on a scale of one to ten. I received a 7, a 4, and a 3.5. When it came to asking Jack, he said, "Ten...times ten."

I punched his shoulder playfully. "No, really!!!

Jack smiled. "Really? Ten...times ten!" Heart fluttering moment...

...but today was sort of a let down. Since it was the last day of classes before Christmas break, a movie was screened in the gym. Jack was sitting on a plastic chair, and I was sitting in front of him on the floor, leaning on his legs. A girl was standing behind Jack, continuously poking his back and annoying him. Jack complained and flipped up his hood. Tiffany saw me sitting there and said, "Are you Jack's sister?"

"No," I said.
"Yes...YES!" Jack said.

I found this as an extremely sweet gesture, because it proved just how close me and Jack had gotten. But still, it was disappointing to know that he only thought of me as a "sister," not of someone he could really...LOVE.

Maybe I'm looking into it too deeply, and maybe I shouldn't be. But honestly, there's something different with Jack. With Nick and John, we weren't really friends first. We KNEW each other, but there was a lot they didn't know about me. With Jack, we're close already, and our relationship continues to grow. He's sweet and charming, even though he's still young. He'd be willing to die for like, as would I for him. And with Jack...I KNOW he won't use me. He wouldn't lie, and he's treat me with respect. He'd spoil me rotten...no matter how many times I'd tell him not to.

That's the difference with THEM and JACK. With THEM, I thought. With Jack...I know. <3

END 1225 AM

BIRTHDAY TOMORROW!

Monday, November 24, 2008
1141 PM, Home

Just a few hours after I posted my last blog, John asked me out through text. I said yes, but he'd better ask me in person.

It's only been...about 24 hours, and I'm already beginning to regret my decision. There are three other guys I was keeping my on. Andrew, who I've blogged about, Sam, a friend's ex, and of course, Kelly still.

As much as I love John, and as much as I liked him in the past, things have faded away. From what I hear, he's not serious. When he's done with a girl, he leaves her and picks another one. I don't want to be just some girl, y'know? I want a guy that I would MEAN something too...a guy that wouldn't rush, that would take things at a good pace. Someone who would talk to me because they WANT to, not because the feel like they HAVE to.

This is getting harder and harder. I'm out for the night. Wish me luck.
Sayonara, strangers. -*

1146 PM

Sunday, November 23, 2008
722 PM, home

Guess it's been about a week since my last update.
The weekend went fine, I suppose. Manny and I went to a photo op for Bobby's ukulele club on Saturday morning. We were the outcasts, since we're not even part of the club, and everyone else was such a tight-knit group already. We only made it into one picture, so I felt pretty useless.

Hanabi was sick again, so my mom met us at the vet. We stayed there for near two or three hours. She was tested for diabetes and tested negative, thanks God. She has two types of worms as well as kidney stones. She's going to have surgery on Tuesday.

After hours at the vet, and conversing with other pet owners, I headed to Doug's. We filmed part of our new video. Andrew and Braulio showed up at around 730, and I left with Paula at nine after dropping Jack home. She ended up just staying the night.

Big news, though. John, my first boyfriend, is starting to find interest in me again. He hurt really badly last February. I think the first blog I did here was for him, actually. I started crushing on him AFTER I found out he liked me, and he was devastated when I was so infatuated with another guy. He asked me out, and he wasn't a very good boyfriend. I've been told he was just with me for money, and to try to get sex. I sacrificed a lot for him, and gave him money when he needed it, but I wouldn't dare give him the sex. I told him how I really felt one day, that I was thankful for having him in my life and he prevented me from committing suicide, and he dumped me. Go figure, goddamnit. But yeah...

Now, he's suddenly expressing interest again. As much as I AM upset, and as much as my feelings for Andrew are growing, I think I'm starting to fall for his romantic texts again...and I'm so willing to give him another chance, even though I know what's coming. All my friends don't want me to see him again, because after he dumped me I was a wreck. They know how he is, and that he WILL end up hurting me again.

On Saturday, Braulio told me that John had a girlfriend already. I confronted John about it through text, and he said she wasn't a girlfriend, but a friend-with-benefits, but she WANTED to date him. He said he wouldn't, because he was in love with me. Bullshit. OH! But speaking of what Braulio said...

He told Andrew how I feel about him. I asked why...and he said, "Well, of course I'm going to tell him, Mika. He's my best friend!" I rolled my eyes and panicked. I didn't know what to do, so with Braulio's advice, I just talked to Andrew like I had no idea I knew Braulio told him. I played with his hair, laughed at his jokes, and hugged him tight before I left.

Speaking of before I left...xD
I had a major heart-to-heart with Jack in Doug's computer room just before I went home. Before that, Doug was napping in the computer room and we didn't want to disturb him. As he was getting off the floor, he knocked the lamp over and we all rushed around the house trying to figure out what happened. He cleared out of the computer room in the worst of moods and went to eat dinner without us. When he came back up, Braulio, Jack, and Andrew went down to eat. Paula and I felt bad for Doug, so we stayed in his room and talked to him. When the rest of the guys came back up, I hugged Jack. "What's wrong?" he asked.
"Shut up, just hug."
He put his concerned look on. "Mika. What's wrong?"
"Nothing! I just want a hug!" I replied.
He grabbed my arm and dragged me into the computer room. "You don't normally say 'Jack, hug me.' like that when nothing's wrong. So WHAT'S WRONG?!"
I spilled and told him all that was bothering me...Hanabi, John, Andrew, and Kelly, still. He reassured me it would be okay...and he told me his problems, and I did the same for him. I love when Jack and I have serious talks. He's such a good little brother...and he's so supportive.

I guess that'll be all for this blog. You'll hear from me soon, no doubt.
Sayonara, stangers. -*

821 PM

Monday, November 17, 2008
645 PM, Home

I guess I should start with the Halloween party.
School on Halloween went by fast. After classes, I went home and grabbed my stuff, took a quick shower, and went to Doug's. We set up a little but more, putting all the decorations in the correct places. I unloaded RockBand from the car and set that up in the living room. Jack arrived soon already in costume.

Doug and I got into costume as well, he much faster than I. xD Aaron and Lee came, and they played RockBand with me and Jack until people started to arrive.

The rest is sort of a mix of events. We danced a good amount and filmed a video for TIB. We talked, ate...Kat, Bri, and Paula showed up, too! Braulio and Andrew came at the same time. Kellen and Katlyn were there too, of course. Chad stopped by to say hi for a little bit. Mike and Kelly came over pretty late, and so did Will, but they were there nonetheless. Paula told some very true stories that scared us, and Kelly didn't believe it. If anything, the stories made him more electrified, and he went on YouTube looking for scary things to watch. I called Paula and Bri with Kat's cell phone, and they told me to warn them not watch...for untold reasons. Kelly was being stubborn for the entire night, so in the end, I just gave up on him. Some of the guys were still spooked, so they decided to all stay the night. I packed up my things and left with a promise to return the next morning. But When I arrived, Jack and Will were already gone. I spent the rest of the day bonding with the rest of the guys.

After that, the following weeks weren't that great. I was slowly losing feelings for Kelly, and though they're definitely still there, they aren't that strong. I went to the mall the past two Saturdays and did what I usually do. Two Saturdays ago, me, Braulio, Doug and Andrew went back to Doug's place after the mall. The biggest 5k of the year sponsored by a hotel resort, PIC Island Road Races, was being held the next day, so Mom told me to call for a ride early. I lied because I wanted to stay, and said I had a ride. Auntie Nong took Braulio and Andrew home, so I had to choice but to just...walk. I called around for a ride. Kristen didn't answer her phone, and Julien couldn't pick me up. I broke down and called Manny, so he came. My mom was prissy, but she got over it.

Last Friday, Kat and Paula slept over. We stayed up way late, and left voicemails to people at 2 in the morning telling them to buy us food since we were hungry. =D
Kat left at 8 to do something for school. Paula and I went to the mall at around 2 and met up with Hee, Erika, Lilly, Braulio, and Aaron. Nothing too much happened that day, just an ordinary mall day.

Yesterday, Sunday, I went to visit Dad. His boss gave me thirty dollars, and I really bonded with Prutrina. I miss when we were young and she was my only friend...but, whatever. We're still going to have that bond forever, and I hope it stays...

I guess the highlight of my life lately has been...well, Andrew. I remember first meeting when we went to watch House Bunny a few months back, and I must admit I was sort of caught on by him. But it was just that...a physical attraction, nothing more. But seeing him at the party and hanging out with him two Saturdays in a row made me realize what a truly nice guy he is. I would hate to fall for him because he also LOOKS amazing, and he could get so much better than me. For now, I'm keeping this on a low level, telling people I sort of like him, but he just seems like a nice person, I'm not going to try to take this to the next level. I've been told I'm too desperate (by people who are desperate themselves, but whatever), and even though I don't think I am, I think I'll tone it down a bit. I'm content with being friends. He's fazed by another girl already anyway, and even though I think she's taken already, he still serves a pretty good chance.

So for now, I'm trying to keep things strictly platonic, and not fall too hard. God knows it's NOT something I really need now.

I'll try updating more often, instead of once every few weeks. Teehee.
Sayonara, strangers. -*

712 PM

Thursday, October 30, 2008
Home 818 PM

Wow. An entire week. Oh, well, nothing TOO BIG has happened. It's been an okay week. Super fun weekend. A whole bunch of us were supposed to go to GPO; my parents driving us. But Kat's friend Chad picked us up instead. It was Kat and Chad of course, me, Paula, Doug, and Braulio. We went to GPO for a little and ate and went to the bookstore. After that, we went to Wendy's to make our next plan of action. We ended up going to Blockbuster and renting Jackass on DVD. We spent forever in there just browsing and making fun of stuff. NINJA CHEERLEADERS, FTW! And the Veggie Tales thing, haha! I remember Chad was like, "I have that on my iPod!"
We went back to the car and Chad played "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" just to prove he had it. It pissed Doug off, but in...a good way.
On the way to Doug's, we stopped by the Home Depot parking lot, opened the doors, blasted metal, and moshed. Dude, soooo fun! Doug caught some of our moshing on film. It was funny when we left. Like, we all just ran in the car...but Braulio had to sit in the back back. (It's an SUV. xD) And like, we forgot to close him in, and he was trying to it himself from the inside, but he couldn't! OMG, it was so funny! So we had to run out and close him in.
Then we went to KMart and drifted on the roof! We didn't want to do our mosh thing, since there wasn't alot of people. So we just went to Doug's house and watched the movie. Then Kat and Chad left, and an hour later we cooked dinner like we were all roommates! It was funny...me, Doug, and Paula were cooking, and Braulio was being the lazy one playing a game on the couch. xD Eventually we left and we dropped Paula home.

Nothing else too eventful. I saw Kelly on Tuesday when I went running. He didn't go to school but I hung out at his bus stop anyway. I was texting him and he asked if I was at his bus stop, so I replied I was. Ten minutes or so later, there he was, staring down at me. We talked until the bus came to drop off his friends and brother, then they all went home and I called for a ride.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow, though. I have A block, all my favorite classes. And I get to play my favorite worship song in chapel. Thank GOD Ela is leading, because I always get to play when she's leading. Mandy's okay with me, but she'd rather have Nicole and Phil since they're better. And then...the party! Yay!

I guess I'm off for now. I guess I'll blog tomorrow after everything's over with!

Sayonara, strangers,-*
838 PM

Thursday, October 23, 2008
Home, 1025 PM

Majorly sore throat. It started last Saturday, when I kissed Kelly. And it's still there...maybe he had something contagious? It feels kind of like there's a fish bone poking into my left tonsil. Oh, God, epic fail.

After my run Monday, I think I saw Kelly for a brief moment. He got out of his bus, and I walked him the ten yards or so to his apartment. No contact at all, much less a hug. It sort of depressed me to be so close to him, but not get to...you know. FEEL him, if you will.

Later that night, when I got home, I chatted with Paula online, and vented about my Kelly problems. She said if I wanted to find out if he liked me so much, I should just ask a friend to ask him. So I asked my friend Kellen, who Kelly also has feelings for. She texted him, and then texted me back with good news, that he had feelings for me, too. I was just about to send him a message when he sent one to me first. He said he thought we should just be friends.
Confused, I texted back with something like, "For now? I mean, do you think this could turn into something...bigger later on?" He replied with, "No. I've been thinking. What we've been doing is wrong, and I really do only like you as a friend." Still confused, I texted Kellen and she told me that that was different from what he had told her...that he DID have romantic feelings for me.
I decided I didn't want to deal with it anymore, so I said my good-nights to everyone and thought more about it. SOMEONE was lying...and I'm pretty sure it was Kelly. He was lying either to me or Kellen...because I knew Kellen was telling the truth.

I showed up at school the next day and talked to Jack about it, an eighth grader who's really good friends with Kelly, as well as me and my friends. He's also Doug's cousin. So, I talked to him about it, and he seems to think Kelly is lying to ME, and DOES have romantic feelings for me. "In the years I've known Kelly," Jack said, "he hasn't been one to tell the girl how he really felt. He'd always tell other people first, and make the girls find out for themselves."
I banged my head against the lockers and groaned. Jack and I talked a little bit longer with Kellen, then the assembly bell rang. As per tradition, I pecked Jack's cheek and he wiped at the spot I'd kissed like I was poison.

Wednesday was okay, as well. Katlyn got into a little roar with Ms. Snively. It left us all pretty tense, since we eat lunch in there. Ms. Sinvely wrote something on her board that said "Prop A Is NOT The Way!!" Then she left the room to go to the teacher's lounge. When she came back, it was to find a preppy Freshman who also has her lunch in there erasing it. When Ms. Snively confronted her, she said she wasn't erasing it, just fixing it up since someone else tried to erase it. Katlyn then chimed in, "Prop A is good! Vote yes!" Ms. Snively gave her devil eyes and said, "Excuse me! I think that's rather rude of you to come into my room and erase my board just because you have a different way of thinking!"
We were all taken aback, as we started to explain that Katlyn didn't erase it. She had a different opinion, sure, but that didn't mean she touched the board. Ms. Snively didn't believe us, and Katlyn left the room in a huff cursing the teacher.
When we got to World Language, Doug and I noticed her eyes were red; she had been crying. Doug tapped my shoulder and pulled me back. "God, she was crying. She so damn argumentative, and she takes every little thing so serious!"

And of course, today, I stayed home. I slept quite a bit, and had some pretty interesting dreams. But for now, I'm going to retire to bed. Sayonara, strangers. -*

1048 PM

Monday, October 20, 2008
447 PM, Home

So, before this, my last entry was dated back in June. I deleted all the entries about Nick. I was thinking about just putting them on private, I decided to completely erase them. We were together for almost two months, but I called things off. He wasn't a good boyfriend, forcing me into sex and making me pay. There was actually drama with my mom because he snuck into my house and we had sex...and my mom found out because my window was opened and I had a hickey on my neck. I broke it off with him after that and was grounded for two weeks.

In the last month that I was with Nick, I was actually interested in another boy, Kelly. And from what I hear, Kelly liked me as well, and didn't tell me until after I broke up with Nick. Kelly and I were sort of friends-with-benefits. We did a lot of touching...and I found myself on my knees most of the time. We eventually went all the way once.
He says he doesn't have those feelings for me anymore, but last Saturday at a friend's house, he was being really nice. He held my hand in secret and kissed me. I don't know if he did, but I felt something. I just don't want him to use me...I want him to like me the way I like him.

Aside from that. A close family friend recently passed away, and we've been taking it pretty hard. It was so unexpected, and we weren't expecting him to leave us any time soon. His wife flew in from Japan and is staying with us.

Aside from the Kelly thing on Saturday, I went to Dez's house. He and his dad got into a very...physical fight, running us out of the house.

But I'm going to sign off now. I'm going running soon. Hopefully, I'll catch Kelly at his bus stop, since I always run by there at the time his bus drops him off. (5:45...I know, right?)

Sayonara, strangers.
506 PM

Saturday, June 7, 2008
6:12 PM Doug's House

Oh, wowz. It's been over a week since an update. Anyway. I guess...the end of school was all right. I DID go to Christina's house the Wednesday before the last day. Kat wasn't there, but we walked around anyway. We just went in our school uniforms and stuff. We went to the skate park, and she bought me cookies at SubWay. We chilled near the skatepark, and Christina saw George, the guy who took my phone. I didn't know it was him at first, but yeah...pretty fun day

We had a last day of school party here at Doug's last Friday. I came by early; Mom dropped me off on her way to work. I woke up Doug and Braulio. We had alot of fun at the pool...first, we brought all the food and stuff down. We tried to set up in a small pavillion near the pool. But the outlets didn't work, and we wanted to play some music. So we moved inside the actual pool area, since those outlets worked.
As soon as we started the music...the owner of the place came by and chased us back to the pavillion. We borrowed some extension cords from neighbors, which we couldn't even use, since we couldn't play music. -angry growl- But it was all right...we had a few soda fights. Oh! Before I go further...the guest list! Of course, most of TIB. Me, Doug, Braulio, Katlyn, Kellen, Hee, Jack, and Nick. Kellen's brother Kevin was there, too. Anyway. Obviously...I've got a huge ginormous crush on Nick. And after the party, when we all came inside, and Katlyn and I were eating ice cream right out of the bucket and talking, everyone else was scattered throughout the house. Some were upstairs playing Guitar Hero, and some were downstairs watching TV in the living room. Nick kept switching between the two groups, and every time he came downstairs, my heart would skip a beat. Funny things that happened with Nick...
First thing. My bathing suit? Yeah, so not sexy. It's a tankini top that sort of shows my stomach. I was parading around all morning, saying I was sexy not because I LOOKED good, but because I FELT good. As soon as Nick got there, that confidence disappeared. As we were setting up, I pulled Jack aside and told him my fears. "Dude, Jack...I'm so embarrassed!"
"Why?" he questioned. "'Cause you think you're fat?"
I rolled my eyes. "YES!"
So Jack, being Jack, decided to call Nick's attention. "NICK! Come 'ere!" He walked closer to him and they started talking. Then, as I was pretending to busy myself with carrying drinks, Jack comes up and says "Mika, he doesn't CARE if you're fat! RIGHT, NICK? YOU DON'T CARE WHO'S FAT OR NOT?!" Nick looked in our direction, and pulled up his own shirt. "Psh, no! Dude, I'm fat!!!" Ahh, tres embarrassing! Anyway...
Nick thing two. He didn't bring extra clothes, so he just swam in what he was wearing. When we were done swimming and we came back into Doug's house, he desparately looked for dry clothes. He borrowed a jacket from Jack [no pun intended] but he still needed pants. So he asked me. [!!!] I didn't want to give him my extra jeans, since those would no doubt be insanely big on him. So I changed INTO my jeans, and gave him my green terry shorts with the drawstring. I went upstairs and consoled in Braulio. "He's wearing my pants...and he's free balling!!!!" Braulio teased me a bit, so did Doug, especially because of the...free balling. Eepz. But still...when they were done lightly teasing, Braulio made up for it by saying "It's nice you let him borrow your pants! Don't worry about it!"
Nick thing three. A few hours into the afternoon, we were running around outside, acting insane. Nick found some skaters, and decided to challenge them to a skate off or something. We all got kind of tired of waiting...well, except me...but anyway...so they went back to Doug's. I said I'd stay and wait. Katlyn stayed with me. We watched Nick from afar and she recorded me spilling the way I felt for him. We were on the swings when he returned to us. As soon as he took the swing next to me, Katlyn left, despite me telling her to stay. Nick and I sat on the swings and talked a bit, about how we think we're fat, (He asked me how much I weighed. I lied.), about our guitar skills, Braulio's fear of girl bands, and the girl he wanted to ask out before school ended, but didn't because she couldn't really hang out, and plus...he didn't compltely like her. Eventually, he wanted to go back to Doug's, so we did. He gave me a hug before he left...

Sorry. I must depart. I'll be editing later, when I get to my home computer...

Wednesday, May 28, 2008
1003 AM Mr. Shughart's Tech Lab

So, if you couldn't tell by "Mr. Shughart's Tech Lab," I'm actually at school. Thank Christ that LiveJoural isn't blocked here.

Last night was pretty rough. Paula...God, Paula. She's really got her mind set on checking out Doug's house. She really feels something there...but I won't go into details. It's sort of sad, actually, knowing how...unfortunate Paula is. No offense, of course. Just...when I first met her, I thought she was so lucky. She was gorgeous, she was insanely nice, and she had a good sense of humor. She had so many friends...I was so jealous of her. Now, I still am, but I realize she's got her hardships, just like I do.

I'll be damned if Paula ever stops being my friend...we've bonded over so much. Not just serious stuff, and not just funny stuff. I'm going to miss her when she leaves...when she told me her reason for leaving, I nearly broke down. She cares about us all so much...

Anyway.
Half the class is in destructive havoc, with people going around and switching computers, trying to get their PowerPoints done. Yes, the PowerPoint I STAYED UP ALL NIGHT FINISHING. Ahh, well. At least I get a free period now.

I'm supposed to go to Christina's house today...Kat might be there. We're going to just walk around SB. Hopefully, we see Paul and Richard, and we get to hang with them. If Paul is up for it, that is. I guess he still might be a bit iffy around me, but it's worth a try, I suppose.

I guess I'll be off now. There's really nothing for me to do ecept browse around here. So, maybe I'll look up some videos, search some things.

Sayonara, Strangers. -*

END 1015 AM